How to understand and protect yourself from emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is a type of abuse that doesn’t exhibit physical outward signs. It might start of as harmless jokes or ridicule, but will eventually progress to more controlling tactics and unlimited control over the relationship.

While statistics might vary, we can assume that at least 10% of people in a relationship have experienced some form of emotional abuse. It’s very sad to think about.

Whether these relationships start off with a mutual understanding of the boundaries, or both partners are trying to figure out where one another stands, let’s all be honest here – we think this is a fairy tale. Daily gifts and tokens of attention are very effective ways to deflect suspicion, but they’re also used to “lull” the other partner into believing that everything is going exactly.

Here is a situation where you are constantly under attack in your environment and need to be more careful about who you communicate with. Maybe talk to only close friends and family from now on, to avoid any unwanted attention. A person often subconsciously avoids meeting people out of the fear of being rejected by his or her partner. The problem is understandable because you do not want to offend your partner and once again start quarreling with him or her over this.

And if the victim starts to question statements about the uselessness of friends or relatives, the abuser can put pressure on them by saying “either me or them”. By the time a person is this deep into a relationship, they are so bogged down with it that they can easily refuse close ties. As long as the partner doesn’t go anywhere, they will continue to put up with them.

This is a warning sign that you are getting carried away with your feelings for the second half and trying to avoid upsetting him. Carefully chosen words and thoughtful phrases should, from what I see, reduce negativity in communication, but feelings distorted by delusion rather than the truth.

One of the most common forms of emotional abuse is gaslighting. The history of this term originates from the 1944 film “Gas Light,” where a husband convinces his wife she’s crazy using blatantly false information.

Communication in the relationship often sounds like this: “It didn’t happen this way. I never experienced that.” or “You made everything up. You’re delusional.” Arguing constantly with this kind of person eventually makes you feel distrusted, and you end up agreeing with the distorted reality they offer.

One way of knowing they don’t care enough is if their partner constantly insists on knowing where they are and with whom. If they’re calling so much that it begins to feel like stalking, it might be time to reevaluate what needs to be done in the relationship. Demanding minute by minute records, or just limiting access to movements or other information may be one of many emotional abuse signs that will lead to more serious situations such as physical abuse.

This makes them feel guilty, even though they did nothing wrong. This happens because their partner constantly reminds them of it. A person will believe he’s some kind of animal if you keep telling him that long enough, and the same goes for certain emotional states. So, once an opinion has already taken a firm hold inside you, it’s hard to change your point of view.

It can be hard to figure out why a partner’s mood seems to change back and forth so abruptly. I’ve seen it go from love and adoration to cold indifference in the blink of an eye. You might be left wondering what happened and where it all went wrong so often.

The panic starts to develop and you want to do anything to return things to their previous course so that your partner would smile and shine with love. That sounds very negative. I don’t think this person is being entirely honest about their feelings for their partner.

For example, you got a dream job and want to share the good news with your significant other. You know they’ll support you, and look forward to the new opportunity ahead. Sometimes it feels like you can’t please anyone. You don’t want to be criticized or humiliated but you also don’t want to be patronized.

Why does the abuser have such a strong reaction to this? It’s understandable. In this situation, it means losing control of you and his ability to decide what your relationship looks like. He needs to remind you that reality is the way it is and doesn’t care how much you try to alter it. Over time this can really affect your beliefs in yourself.

The ‘victim’ often commits the misconduct that’s being talked about. This is a big problem, especially because we associate punishment with the school environment where there are negative consequences if you misbehave – like not getting to play outside or being banned from watching cartoons. American culture is heavily based on the idea of childhood innocence. As we grow older, these things are taken away more and more. And when adulthood comes into play, you’re left with a society that is almost identical to childhood… Except for one key difference: Restrictions on sex, conversations and finances have been put in place.

Your partner deprives you of your mental health and personal freedom for the sake of punishment. They don’t talk to you for weeks, refuse any emotional intimacy. This doesn’t just affect the mother, but also her child. A lot of mothers will have to leave their job while they’re on maternity leave, which can lead to a shortage in cash flow since they’ll be earning less. The abuser isn’t too worried about who gets hurt that as long as there are victims.

The first step in solving the problem is to realize that you have one. For example, if you recognize that your relationship is not what it should be – seek psychologist’s help. It’s much better to do it with the other person.

This is why abusers often grow up to be those who have been victims themselves and experienced the same emotional abuse.

The second step is to break up with that toxic person. It can be very tough and take everything you’ve got not to go back. Again, there may be setbacks but this must be done without help from a therapist.

Pressure and aggression are things that can damage a person’s boundaries. It is important to keep them healthy by telling an abuser that they want this to stop and establishing safety in another location. We are all different and there is always the possibility someone feels judged when others speak out against their wishes.

It can be very unpleasant, scary and difficult to deal with emotional abuse. This kind of behavior isolates the individual – contributing to depression and social anxiety as they stop engaging in normal experiences. There’s a Russian proverb asking people not to discuss their dirty clothes publicly, which helps the perpetrator keep control over their victim for years before it ever gets noticed and acted upon.